The Return to Lemuria ll (Artwork)
Ego. The Healing Pt lll. The Myth of Family Love. Amera Ziganii Rao
Writer Lagos Egri talks of a character as being the psychology, sociology and physiology of a character. I would add anthropology too, but yes. We are all four.
Today I am thinking of the Alfred Hitchcock film Marnie. Mark Rutland’s character (played by a delicious looking Sean Connery) is essentially that of the male sacred whore. The male high priest. He has to take in hand, Marnie, (played by Tippi Hedren) who is psychotically disturbed. So much so that she won’t let him near her, so that she is a major kleptomaniac and so that she freaks out when she sees red and she freaks out during thunder. She pretty much freaks out all the time actually and is clearly very disturbed. She is on a taut wire and always afraid. And very beautiful.
He falls for her very soon, after hiring her specifically because he knows she could be this thief he has heard of and systematically and methodically takes her through many levels of analysis, despite her very vocal and aggressive resistance and finally takes her home to her mother. During a night of thunder and rain of course. After massive abuse and resistance from the mother, the story is told. It turns out that her mother had been a prostitute and that as a little girl, Marnie had to be put into a second room while her mother carried out her chores as it were.
One night, one of the men approached the little girl because she was crying and justified or not, the mother freaked out and they started fighting. Marnie, in protection of her mother, picked up a fire stoker and killed him with it. The mother, out of apparent protection for the child, made sure no one ever spoke of it, said she had done it herself and thought that was an end to it. However, her relationship with Marnie changed that day and she never really got close to her, making the child feel very unloved. And Marnie was in denial of a major incident in her life and not allowed to access that disturbing memory to clear it.
I ‘chose’ romantic love. By that I mean, I knew then that the only person who could ever become true family for me would be the man I loved. And so began 30+ years of the myth of romantic love. Two and a half years ago, I had to face the truth, after years of clearing this myth, that romantic love in the way I, my ego, First Existence, wanted, was never going to exist. He was not invincible, he was not healed, he was not a great man, he was not my protector, he was not my rescuer, etc. I also had to clear it because ego is not some rational instrument of thought. Ego is raw terror and madness that grips us, so that our fear of abandonment is chronic. I was fed up of being afraid and I wanted to be in control of myself and I wanted to be calm and centered and myself.
The myth of romantic love is well documented. Too well documented actually. As Robin Norwood says in ‘Women Who Love Too Much’, the psychosis of romantic love affects a girl in a hundred different ways and is destructive, useless and ill. And of course is in place, because of lack of love that we then become energy wise in ourselves, as ego. Sickness.
The romanticised myth of family love that makes people in family completely dehumanise each other out of chronic need and of course keep any romantic, non family love far away. Even though of course they are obsessed with romantic love but just cannot let it in and have no idea why. This is the other archetype to mine and of course the archetype of my man and every man I have ever been involved with and absolutely heartbreaking to be on the receiving end of. Because it is so hidden, so in the archetype of denial in the first place, the one that denies evil, feelings and the rest, so they are actually far more dangerous. The smiling, mad killers who romanticise family love and split women into whores and madonnas or male whores and madonnas if you like, if they happen to be women. And I have certainly met a few and had them far too close to me not to remember them.
I understand again the full answer today. I had forgotten this along the way, in the past year of healing him, which means that everything else had to be dealt with too, from the Patriarchal Womb Stealing Society through to de –sexualisation and neutering of both men and women, from Avatar sexuality and magnificence. Everything was meant to be covered. But the myth of family love is as bad a psychosis as the myth of romantic love, but never really talked about. The silent killer.
And then in the tribe scenario, the virginity of girls is of paramount importance. They naturally become the instinctive centre of attention. The boys don’t know of course that the attention that a girl or particular other sibling, is getting is negative, hence my creation of the myth of romantic love. All ego sees, is the apparent love. So while one sibling chooses romantic love, especially the archetype who splits good and evil, as Deepak Chopra defines, the other sibling, the one who denies the presence of evil at all to believe his parents love him, or her parents love her, of course go into romanticism about family love. When there is no love.
And that is what it seems they do as adults. With their own families, with friends, with anyone. The amount of friendships that I have had with females of the other archetype have been too many too mention and they all end in the same way. Their dehumanisation and dependency drives me away. I finally realise they have never liked me and they just want the notion of family whether they like me or not. I came here to be liked. I came here to be loved.
And of course the men treat me like a whore. The outsider who can only be fantasised about and never touched. I don't fit into their myth of family love. And they are de-sexualised infants, living with Mummy. Today I now see that this is the reason a woman of my archetype has to ‘wait’ for a man of the other archetype. She is literally waiting for him to grow up. And it is understandable, even if deeply wounding and hurtful.
Which means that for you, man of mine, other than clearing the myth of family love, ie your past, your original family and letting go of the fact that you will never get it back and that it does not exist as your ego sees it, it is also about the fact that for you it is not just about showing yourself as a sexual male. It is becoming one for the first time. Not just playing at it, but becoming it. Becoming an adult male. Your growth has been stunted. Your infantisation if you like is sexual. You were infantised too. By your need for the romance of family life. When it does not exist. Love exists. Not the romance of family love. And love is Second Existence. Family with me.
This is your rite of passage to adulthood. To being an adult male. And leaving behind your infantisation. Ego. Dependency. First Existence. So you can love. So you can love me.
As you have NEVER loved before. Ego is not love. Despite your sincerity, ego is just not love. YOUR ego gets threatened by romantic love. Which is just charming for me. YOUR ego gets threatened by romantic love because YOUR ego is about romanticised FAMILY love.
And that's why you 'choose' bland marriages. Sorry but it is true and you know it. Which is why you are so unhappy and why you split women into whores and madonnas. Your wives are of your archetype. You all feel (ego) threatened by romantic love. It's not the sex. It's the romance. It threatens family life according to your ego, because your ego knows your fantasy is not real. Your fantasy of family life. That is always the fear that ego makes us walk around in. Because we know the ego dream is not real and yet we are unable to do anything about it. Until we face ourselves and clear ourselves of ego.
And you have found out of course that it is not real. And yet you cannot leave it. That is pure ego. Sickness. You know that of course. I am just the one who is forced to spell it out and make it conscious and that is my purpose and that is fine. And judging from the past 'men' in my life, they always had this strange idea that I was not family orientated. Ego. Sickness of the ego. Because I do not have ROMANTICISM about family. I do not have ROMANTICISM about anything anymore, but then I of course had it about romantic love. But they wouldn't come near me, like you, because I did not feed their UNROMANTIC, ROMANTICISED ABOUT FAMILY LIFE ego!
Amera Ziganii Rao ©
Goddess (Artwork)
Dan Millman's 'The Life You Were Born To Live' is a phenomenal book about numerology.
Numerology, based on your date of birth. As Amazon describes it...
Based on ancient wisdom, this text provides 37 paths of life for the 20th century, along with a method for determining your own life path and the life paths of others. It explores the core issues, inborn talents and special needs related to each path, including the areas of health, money and sexuality. It presents guidelines for finding a livelihood consistent with the reader's innate drives and abilities, and explains how to reveal the hidden purpose in relationships.
And this from the author himself;
Clearly, The Life You Were Born to Live is my most controversial book -- most readers find it extremely accurate -- a few, for reasons I can't begin to explain, find it personally offensive. Let's deal with the core issue: How can adding up the numbers in one's date of birth (on the Gregorian calendar) to determine your "birth number" possibly give valid, reliable, accurate information about your life purpose, potential, and the core issues of your life? It makes no sense. And I can't explain in any kind of scientific or even logical way how it works. AND it is an amazingly accurate method. All I can do is point to the mystery and mechanics of this universe. I was trained in the basics over a decade ago by an unusual man. I worked with individuals for nine years before teaching the system to therapists and others; finally, I wrote the book.
I wrote it to help my readers develop a deeper compassion for themselves and for others -- to convey how we each and all have our own mountain to climb.
It is not based on the commonly-known "oracle effect" where one gives general information and the reader somehow makes it fit his or her situation--most people agree it hits the nail pretty much on the head.
You are not a number -- you are a unique human being, not exactly alike any one else on the planet. But just as no individual tree is exactly like any other tree on earth, we can accurately observe qualities of oak trees that are different from pines, or aspens, or maples. Just so, those working one of the 37 life paths (for this century), even though their outer lives, careers, etc may appear quite different, do have issues and qualities in common.
It's good to read my book(s) or any books with healthy skepticism, but also with an open mind. Those who glance at it (without much self-reflection or insight) and shrug it off as "numerology" are missing the point, and missing the boat. I've never had muc! h interest in numerology -- it seemed a bit vague to me. Then I met this man, learned the system, worked with it, and found it extremely useful as a tool of self-knowledge. There you have it. I challenge anyone who read page four, find out how to derive your birth number, and then read the first few paragraphs of the section about your life path. Have a good journey. . . Dan Millman
To me, that is about archetypes. And as you can tell, I work in archetypes, as does mythologist Joseph Campbell and so many others. I wanted to include the number 2 description in this section, as both my man and I have 2 in our numerology and because it is the most accurate description of co-dependency I have ever seen. And the most constructive way to reverse it. Co-dependency is the essence of ego. First Existence. And the immense pain of our journey is reflected in the fact we both have 2 in our numerology. But the point is to ascend from First Existence to Second Existence. Ego to Soul. I did it and so can he and so can anyone, reading this. We all can. Amera Ziganii Rao ©
Number 2. Dan Millman. The Life You Were Born To Live
Co-operation and Balance.
Imagine two hands, one open and offering, the other clenched in a fist of resistance. Which hand do you put forward most? Do you hold out both hands in equal measure? Do you over-help, then resent it? Where does your responsibility end and that of others begin? Have you found a balance in your life?
"Before we can make friends with anyone else, we must first make friends with ourselves." Eleanor Roosevelt.
Life Purpose.
Individuals working 2 as their life purpose are here to clarify the limits of their responsibility and learn to work with others in a spirit of harmony, balance, and mutual support. Because our life purpose is an uphill climb, those working 2 as a primary life purpose (20/2s, 39/12s, and 48/12s) and all those with a 2 in their birth number face the challenge of balancing their compelling sense of responsibility to others with their own inner needs and limits.
Balance is a major issue in the lives of 2s: balance between giving and receiving, between saying yes and saying no, between the value of thoughts and the value of feelings, between the needs of self and the needs of others. In order to achieve outer balance, especially in terms of co-operation, 2s first need to resolve their internal conflicts, discord and contradictions.
Inner co-operation can pose special difficulties for 2s. It's as if they have two people inside them, sitting side by side in a rowboat in the middle of a lake. One of the people is rich, and the other is poor: one is a Republican and the other a Democrat: one is tall and the other short; one is male, the other female; one is heavy, the other thin; one is a puritan, the other a hedonist; one is a believer, the other a sceptic; and so on.
Despite all of their apparent differences, these 'two people in the boat' - the values, beliefs, opinions, ideas, and motivations so often in conflict - are going to have to reconcile, learn to row together, and work together and co-operate if they want to reach the other shore. One simple way 2s can start creating an internal sense of balance and integration is by wearing bright, contrasting colours that are co-ordinated.
The Essence of Co-operation and Balance.
Imagine for a moment what the world might look like if co-operation didn't exist: isolated humans working alone, with all of their potential, would produce practically nothing; in fact, they probably wouldn't survive very long. Erecting even a single building requires a co-operative network of architects, engineers, builders and secretaries - specialists in many fields. Human culture is founded on people working together in relationship, co-operating toward common goals.
For 2s, true co-operation and support often involves doing less and allowing others to do more and thereby discover their own abilities, their own strength and their own responsibilities. For example, Hiroko somehow managed to raise three young children, work part-time and also volunteer as combination secretary, vice president, and treasurer of her neighbourhood association. She wrote the neighbourhood bulletin, invited speakers, and cooked for and helped organise block parties. Whenever neighbours needed information or assistance, they would call Hiroko, who had a bad case of over-co-operation. (People rarely complain about someone who gives too much).
One memorable weekend, when two of her children were ill, it seemed that everyone in Hiroko's world needed help with something. She finally snapped and she was forced to recognise her general state of imbalance. She told her older child he would have to help take care of the two younger ones for the next few days, something she wouldn't have dreamed of before; she called some neighbours and started to delegate responsibility; and she called all of the other people who had made requests of her, took a deep breath, and said no.
To her surprise the sky didn't fall; the Earth and the neighbourhood went on spinning. Hiroko learned that in resigning as 'general manager of the universe' she not only found her balance and retained her health, she also served others by empowering them to take their fair share of responsibility.
Challenges on the Path.
The very same qualities that make 2s such great potential assets to society can be their own undoing. Wanting so much to be helpful, they may chronically subordinate their own needs to the needs of others, going beyond loving sacrifice or healthy altruism into servitude. They ignore or discount their feelings and needs and end up doing what they or someone else thinks they 'should' do.
Most 2s start out in OVER CO-OPERATION - in co-dependent behaviour patterns - feeling responsible for others happiness and others' lives, having trouble saying no, overcommitting, ignoring their limits and boundaries and taking on more than they can or ought to do handle, then going into resentment. Not all co-dependents are working 2 energy, but where others are amateur co-dependents, 2s are professionals, especially if they haven't yet defined their boundaries and limits of responsibility. Guided by the Law of Responsibility (p336), 2s can find a renewed sense of inner peace and joy in support freely given.
SHOULD is a big word and a significant force in the lives of 2s, who as I've noted, think in terms of what they SHOULD do, what others SHOULD do and what situations SHOULD be like. Vulnerable to other people’s needs and demands, 2s often feel confused about what is the 'right' decision or action. They often ask 'What do you think I should do?'
Until 2s learn to act on the basis of what they truly feel, their service won't last for long. if they don't feel good about what they're doing, co-operation will eventually turn to conflict as even the most accommodating 2s begin to feel overwhelmed and shift into UNDER CO-OPERATION. After bending over too far backwards, they react, going from give-give-give to stubborn resistance. Resenting both themselves and those whom they helped, they just shut down; at this point, they want things their own way or else - with no compromise. In fact, some 2s who have over co-operated most of their life can later get stuck in a state of chronic resentment, sullenly doing what they think everyone else expects.
Friends or loved ones may wonder what happened to cause the sudden change in atttude and may perceive such 2s as stubborn, unfair or self-centered. But behind their stubbornness likes a feeling of helpnessness, a fear of being overwhelmed by others - a core belief that if they give an inch, others will take a mile. And because our beliefs influence our experience, others sometimes do take that proverbial mile.
Emma, a young woman working 2, used to make her college room mate's bed every morning, even after her room mate's boyfriend had stayed over. Often she would lie very still in her bed, trying to go to sleep while six feet away her roommate and boyfriend were making love. Emma said nothing about this situation, except to offer to find some place else to sleep, so as to not disturb the couple - a clear case of over co-operation.
Eventually Emma requested another room - a constructive solution, but Emma might have benefitted more had she stated her feelings and her rights and put more responsibility on her roommate for working out her romantic situation without intruding on Emma's privacy. Emma had not established her boundaries, so people treated her as a doormat; in ignoring her own needs, she unknowingly encouraged others to do the same.
The key for finding co-operative balance for 2s is learning the difference between support and servitude.
In relationships, partners may unintentionally take advantage of 2s by asking or expecting them to do more and more, until they react. After that 2s may continue to make dinner or take out trash, but they shut down emotionally.
In the sexual arena or in relationships in general, when 2s start out over co-operating - doing what someone else wants without considering their own needs or desires, one imbalance soon creates another. Where they started out giving and giving, 2s later withdraw, resist or take a rigid stance. Sexually, this may manifest as frigidity or impotence, as if their subconscious is saying 'I'm not going to give anymore'.
Until 2s establish healthy boundaries, they need to avoid situations of physical, emotional or sexual abuse and to remember that ALL OF US of any age have the right to say no at ANY time when it comes to our bodies and our feelings/ if something doesn't feel right to them, 2s need to honour their feelings and communicate as strongly as necessary.
Other Qualities and Issues.
The battle cry of 2s is 'It's their fault!' Many people who live with 2s perceive them as judgmental, but they are really saying 'It's not my fault!' Assigning blame helps 2s relieve their own internal pressure, since 2s can feel responsible for everything from floods to earthquakes.
In order to succeed in resolving outer conflicts and achieve balanced co-operation, those working 2 first need to resolve internal discord. Due to their exaggerated sense of responsibility, most 2s over think in the form of obsessive worry or over analysis, then bounce from mental preoccupation to reactive emotions (Oh my God, what are we going to do?)
Achieving mental and emotional equanimity poses a major challenge for 2s; when they weigh and sort opposing values to make a decision, they have trouble choosing one over another.
Most of us have potentially conflicting beliefs, values and desires filed away in our mind - reasons to get out of bed and reasons to pull the covers back up; reasons to get married and have children and reasons to stay single or remain childless - the list is endless. for most of us, these apparent opposites somehow co-exist, but for 2s, these opposing values are like two children who both want to ride in the front seat. Resolving these conflicts poses a challenge for 2s, who hate to disappoint anyone.
As they learn to take responsibility for their own life instead of feeling responsible for everyone else's, 2s stop blaming others for their own inner conflicts and begin to establish healthy limits. They find a balance between what is okay and what is not okay - between what they will gladly do and what they won't do. They learn when to say yes and how to say no.
Emotional stress happens when the mind resists what is; 2s tend to resist changes that make them feel out of control; therefore they often experience mental conflicts, emotional stress, and physical tension. Racing thoughts impose general muscular tension that compromises the lymphatic system and the immune system. Although 2s don't often get ill due to their robust constitution, allergies can become a problem, especially in times of stress.
Those working 2, whether they have a wiry, muscular or wide body, have intrinsic physical strength and sturdiness, as well as internal fortitude, vigour and perseverance. But their strength can also manifest as stubbornness, rigidity or tension. Because of this, 2s benefit from meditation practise, dance, hatha yoga and martial arts, such as t'ai chi ch'uan, which help them relax, respond and flow in life.
Anything we do, we can overdo or under-do, so 2s in particular need to develop a higher order of perspective and balance before they can fulfil their life purpose. Balance, as outlines in the law of Balane (p341) is the essential catalyst that leads 2s towards the summit of their mountain.
At the Summit: Potential and Destiny.
Those working 2 energy form the foundation, the very underpinnings of every society. They often serve as the unsung heroes and heroines who make all the difference in the world; they assure the success of great undertakings and achievements.
Because 2 is a very strong service number, people working 2 have the drive to serve and help, to instruct and guide, to assist and support. When working in positive ways, they generally have a reputation as big-hearted people. They tend toward loyalty and responsibility; they are the kind of people others can count on.
When the going gets tough, have 2s in your corner; when you need someone to talk to, these individuals can be very good listeners.
Wtih intrinsic inner and outer strength, 2s work hard to improve situations and support people. once they find a clear goal, they co-operate for the common good. Many 2s have strong ambitions and can become leaders in any field, but they most often serve a larger cause in a support capacity, in co-operation with others. They find the most fulfilment when supporting others, because such a role is aligned with their life purpose.
This support energy does not by any means relegate 2s to subordinate positions. The energy of 2 conveys an attitude about life, not a role in life; 2s can become and have become presidents of companies and nations.
At the highest levels, 2s transcend the concept of co-operating with others and see others as part of their larger Self. This realisation dissolves resentment, allows 2s to take complete responsiblity for their life and results in their having equal respect for self and others. They truly become a source of loving service in the world.
Action Checklist.
The following actions can make a difference in the lives of those working 2 energy;
1. Understand the difference between support and servitude; learn when to say yes adn and how to say no.
2. Learn to flow with change, relax into life and stay flexible, letting go of what isn't your responsibility.
3. Spend some time each day stretching, meditating and relaxing.
4. To determine a course of action, use your head but go with your gut feelings.
Accessing Co-operation and Balance.
1. Think of someone you know, or imagine a film, literary or historical character - a role model who exhibits a clear co-operative balance and who honours equally the needs of self and others.
2. Imagine yourself as that person - feeling inner harmony, responsible for yourself and supportive of others, co-operating toward mutual goals within clear and appropriate limits and boundaries. In what specific ways can you put these qualities into practise and bring more balance into your life?
Thank you to the author for this excerpt.
Profile on Amera Ziganii Rao
My life is that of a mystic and a philosopher and a writer and an artist. I have also been a forced ascetic for most of the past 12 years. My business is metaphysics and Gnostic spirituality and human emotions and the sicknesses of the soul. How to move from First Existence (Ego) to Second Existence (Soul). How to become love and therefore be able to love. How to heal the two archetypal sicknesses of the soul. Whether one is male or female. The myth of romanticised romantic love and the myth of romanticised family love. The myth of romanticised family love sickness in particular, that has created the whore and madonna fragmentation in socety across the world. The sicknesses of non love. Dependency. Romanticism about romance. Romanticism about family life and therefore the 'bit on the side' mentality of destruction and the source of so much pain in the world. Dehumanising the person you claim to love in either archetype. When actually, all you are driven by is need and sickness and emotional pain from the past. Utter infantisation. A complete de-sexualisation infantisation in the second archetypal sickness of romanticised family life. Vengeance, selfishness, terror and totally conditional love in either. Ego. My business is how to heal ourselves and become Second Existence and find the ability therefore to leave the past behind and finally, the ability to love. Truly, love.
Amera Ziganii Rao ©
And thank you to outside sources for the photographs. Darkroomed and edited by Amera Ziganii Rao
Amera Ziganii Rao is a philosophical writer, essayist, social commentator, prose writer, dramatist and photographer artist as well as a consciousness explorer, self actualiser and emotional healer. She is a former journalist who is now turning professional with her art forms and indeed, her healing forms, after a long journey of inner searching, self teaching and exploring many layers and areas of both craft and wisdom. She is now working on her first book of philosophy and esoteric thought, and social and cultural commentary. She is also showing her first photography collections. And last but most definitely not least, she is building a business to share her consciousness and empowering explorations to reach as many people as possible across the world. She is 46 years old and currently lives in London.
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