Lady in Waiting ll Pt ll. A Self Portrait
Lives of Freedom. Those Who Are Born To BECOME Free.
Amera Ziganii Rao
“You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read. It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, or who had ever been alive.” James Baldwin
I see life on Earth now. I see it for what it is. I see the range of lives that we come here to live. The range of lives we come here to ascend into, and the range of ascension we come here to experience. I see our lives. I see the range of pain, the range of agony, and the range of torture, as we ascend out of the mire of existence and how many levels of ascension there are and how many levels of pain and how many levels of agony and I see the bittersweet privilege of the lives at the higher end of the spectrum and why they are actually, in so many ways, so much more painful than being deep in the mire, deep in the mob of populace, the mob that makes up probably about 90 percent of the world.
I see the isolation, the pain and the privilege all go together. I see consciousness and the difference between those of us who are born to be slaves and remain slaves our whole lives and those of us who were born free and those of us who were born to BECOME free. I see the range today and find a new peace in the particular agony I live in, as I look around and see the range of agonies around me and I see what life is. What the different terms of imprisonment are and what we are all working for in our different ways and why none of us can be friends. Not for long. Unless we are of the mob, of the mass of mire, of the unconscious pre – ascension lives.
I see the sameness in all of us like never before and I also see the differences. The marked differences that mean that very few of us can be friends.
And I see my life. My life of extreme consciousness and awareness. I see why the people I aspire to, the only people I relate to are those who were actually BORN free. The pure alchemists, the ones who know instinctively, from the beginning, how to convert from hate to love in each moment. I see that they are the ones I have learnt from my whole life. I see that they are the only people who show me anything real, but these are the same people I can never reach. Never in full, this lifetime. The stars, the actors at the top of their game, the scientists, the entrepreneurs, the so called geniuses of this world.
I see that genius is the top range of life because of all the lives they have led before. And I see in them, the life I am living, the life they have been able to long forget now. The life of transformation. The life to BECOME an alchemist, to BECOME love, to BECOME free, to BECOME an ex slave.
I see that they, the ones at the top of the range, the ones that silly, shallow gossip magazines spend every single week slagging off and trying desperately to understand, have a greatness we can truly only dream of. In this lifetime. For me. For others, in ten lifetimes, or twenty. I see the difference and the same. I see who we are, what we do and why we do it.
I see that their greatness, the top range of existence on Earth, is in balance and the ability to be alchemists and love machines of conversion, even without any conscious effort, because they have spent my life, my lifetime, converting, studying, becoming, understanding, clearing and knowing. Theirs are the holiday lives, the lives of inspiration and leadership and aspirational characters. The ones that gives us hope, while also making us cry with envy and jealousy and resentment! Little do we know that they have done their time. They have done their time and then some.
And I see that because I see my next life. I see it before me. I see the beginnings of it in this life. I see the last 30 or so years of my life. I see freedom, I smell it and I can sense it now. And I suddenly see what almost fifty years has been about. I see that while I have been yearning consciously and viscerally my whole fifty years, no one around me has understood a word of what I have talked about or wanted so badly, because I see how the mob is so far behind me, as I am so far behind the greats.
Mine is a transformation life. Mine and my twin soul's. Atonement, purgatory, ascension. Same thing. The life where one has to convert everything from hate to love. Convert from ego to soul. Convert from one’s lower self, given to one from thousands of lifetimes on this toilet of a planet, by the tribe, by society, by the world, and integrated so deeply, so completely, that it takes maybe lifetimes to unravel. I see that this is maybe my seventh or eighth purgatory life, my seventh or eighth life of transformation. My final life of transformation.
I see why I have been surrounded by people who have actively and viscerally hated me forever. I see why they hate me and envy me and dehumanise me. Because I have what they want, while this tiniest handful of greats have what I want. I see the isolation, the standing alone, the liminal life of never belonging anywhere and yet not having the confidence to belong where I belong. The life of transformation, the slowness of growth, the endless years of consciousness work, the liminal silence of solitude, the monk’s lives in secular society, the being alone, even when one is not alone, the endless nothing of existence. The endless waiting in the ante room of hell.
And I see why it is finally fair. In the unfairness of the Universe’s awful system for Earth. I see why it is fair. I see the lives I have lived before in so many people around me and I know that is why I have been so hated. I see them and I see me in them. I see why consciousness and the transformation began a very long time ago, almost as soon as I could think. 2 or 3. I see that by eight I had outgrown my parents and my teachers and yet had no confidence or surety as to why. I see their lack of support and know the why. I see that they did not want me to be free while they were not and yet they were so happy I would become free. Such is the bittersweet of this life. And life. I see that they know. I see that everyone around me knows somehow, what is going on and that through their hatred and condemnation and isolation and ex – communication, they know they are helping me to be free.
And I look at them and I see their next life. I see the agony they will be involved with, the pain they will have to endure and yet also the answers at last, that they have waited so many lifetimes for. I see them and they see that I see them. I see that they want my answers in this lifetime even though they know they don’t have the courage to stomach the truth for one second. I see their bitter envy and awe and yet I see their admiration and wonder too. And I see how they see that I have to let them just watch me so they will know.
I see the exchange of ‘love’ and information that we have been doing this whole life. And I see how everyone plays their role in the transformation of an alchemist in training. A love machine in training. A person of love and confidence and atonement so they can finally reach heaven. I see how they have helped me and I see how they have not helped me. And I am at peace. Because I see how they are in more pain than me, even if it is not conscious. That their anger and their rage and their hatred against me is pain. I see that and know that deep down, they see that too. They know and I know they cannot come where I am finally going.
I see the greats and the masters. Those of consciousness who came before me. From Buddha to Deepak Chopra in this life, from Mother Theresa to Martin Luther King Jr to Nelson Mandela in this life. I see the Gandhis and the masters of spirituality who teach me so much. I see that they were either more experienced transformers or born alchemists too. Like those who do not even have to think about it anymore. I see the Wayne Dyers, the Christopher Howards, the Gary Zukavs and I see their rapid transformations in this life. I see how they BECAME alchemists before me and how they are showing me the way every day with their invaluable help.
And I see that their lives may be my next. Lives where the transformation is almost done again, faster and easier and more able to work from much earlier on. I see less rage in them, the proof that they have probably done it before.
And then I see my self worth always, the reason why sedition is so mixed in with the yearning to love and be love. The constructive anger that so many people can relate to is for a reason. Because I also see the people around me who are like me. Transforming, yearning, waiting, becoming, being in the nothingness.
Waiting for a better day when it all makes sense and the achievements can finally be made. Ending the years of under achieving and trying to be good, loving people. Becoming free from the mire, leaving the mob and finding freedom on Earth. I see my contemporaries and I breathe a sigh of relief. We might be spread out all over the place, but we connect. Even if for a moment. Isolation, liminal living and loneliness are the sign of transformative lives. Even if it is a pre-transformative life as I see so often around me too.
I see the power of alchemy and I see the disciplines I have learnt and re-learnt and learnt again forever. I see the changes in me and the changes in those contemporary seekers around me too and I know that we are almost there. Almost fifty years, but we are almost there. The sifting through sand, the finding the needle in a haystack. The lives of apparent nothing, compared to the loud and selfish lives of the mob who appear to be doing so well and appear to be so ‘happy’ while they quite unconsciously shit on everyone around them, have the tiniest amounts of compassion and just drive forward into their own hell. The hell that is waiting for them, in ten lifetimes or in one.
I see purgatory and atonement are subjective words for the process of ascension. I see why the same masters, Wayne Dyer, Gary Zukav and all, can piss me off as much as appease me in the same hour. For they have made it and know what love is and have manifested the proof of that in their lives already. For me, it is the waiting, the waiting, and the waiting that singles me out. The painstaking method of changing only every second.
I see who we are and I see what life is now. And I see that despite everything, I am at peace.
Amera Ziganii Rao ©
Courage is both an extraordinary gift and the heaviest burden because you have to walk alone. Always. But once that is accepted, life forgiven and all relationships and family type friendships forgotten, the new can begin. A place at the new table. Alone. A new life. Alone. The burden can be left behind, the pain understood at last, and the greatest gift on Earth, celebrated in all its solitary, unique and glorious beauty. Courage. The only thing worth having.
Amera Ziganii Rao ©
A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.
Oscar Wilde
There are three hungers that people are trying to feed throughout their lives. The first is to connect deeply with the creative spirit of life. The second is to know and express your gifts and talents. The third is to know that our lives matter. Fulfillment comes from feeding these three hungers.
Richard Leider
Historically, the most terrible things -- war, genocide, and slavery -- have resulted not from disobedience, but from obedience.
Howard Zinn
Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successfull personality and duplicate it.
Bruce Lee
We are all born mad. Some remain so.
Samuel Beckett
How much friendship we are to people. Whether that person is our chosen family, chosen love of our life, or our boss or our colleague or our friend. Our friend. Friendship is like love. These words that we sincerely articulate, but don’t really think about enough. What they truly mean. And what they truly can mean.
Amera Ziganii Rao ©
This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.
Unknown
Every intention sets energy into motion whether you are conscious of it or not. Each word that you speak carries consciousness—more than that, carries intelligence—and, therefore, is an intention that shapes Light.
Gary Zukav
What progress we are making. In the Middle Ages they would have burned me. Now they are content with burning my books.
Sigmund Freud
You may have been conditioned to believe that you're inadequate or limited, so the only way to challenge that type of absurd thinking is to go toward what you know you're here for and let success chase after you.
Wayne Dyer
I’ve been hurt,
But I’m alright
For underneath
There is a light.
Mike Scott
We are all born slaves. It is up to us to find out how and why. And then we are free. Consciousnessness. The politics of the 21st century. Change yourself, change your world and therefore change THE world. We are all born slaves and we are all born to become free.
Amera Ziganii Rao ©
Love sometimes wants to do us a great favor: hold us upside down and shake all the nonsense out.
Hafiz
Women like me are criticised, ostracised, ex - communicated and hated for being sexual, for being powerful in our own skin, and men like you are strangled into respectability and suicide, under the threat of social suicide and loss of reputation. Fuck reputation and fuck them. They will not help you, they certainly never help me. They would kill me first and they would see you hang.
Amera Ziganii Rao ©
Handling Toxic Criticism. My life has meaning. My approach to my life has meaning. My life matters. My path matters. My approach matters. My judgments and decisions matter. My choices matter. My capabilities matter. My way matters. I have meaning. Anything I do or say has meaning. I matter. What I say and think matters. My existence has meaning. The way I run my life has meaning and it matters. This is me, this is who I am and that matters and has meaning.
Amera Ziganii Rao ©
When we talk of love on earth, we are not talking about 'ordinary' love. We are talking about high love. True love. True, kind, imaginative, courageous, compassionate, humane, passionate, heroic love. Keeping people in a state of poverty is not true love. Being mean to anyone for their vulnerabilities, individuality, differences, brilliance, gender, race, sexuality or indeed sexual orientation. That is not love in any form, even the ordinary.
Amera Ziganii Rao ©
There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other.
Douglas H. Everett
Morality is doing what is right regardless of what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told regardless of what is right.
Free Your Mind and Think
At one point in your life you either have the things you want or the reasons why you don’t.
Andy Roddick
One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love.
Sophocles
When I was 5, my mother told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.
John Lennon
Love is an infinite resource and it is ever expanding. The more you give away the more you have to give.
Christopher Howard
The ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.
Steve Jobs Link to the Original Piece, with Irving Penn photograph.
http://ameraziganiirao.blogspot.com/2011/08/lives-of-freedom-born-to-become-free.html
Amera Ziganii Rao is a philosophical writer, essayist, social commentator, prose writer, dramatist and photographer artist as well as a consciousness explorer, self actualiser and emotional healer. She is a former journalist who is now turning professional with her art forms and indeed, her healing forms, after a long journey of inner searching, self teaching and exploring many layers and areas of both craft and wisdom. She is now working on her first book of philosophy and esoteric thought, and social and cultural commentary. She is also showing her first photography collections. And last but most definitely not least, she is building a business to share her consciousness and empowering explorations to reach as many people as possible across the world. She is 46 years old and currently lives in London.
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