Bedroom. A Self Portrait
Film Plot :: 9½ Weeks Understood at Last. Amera Ziganii Rao
The Return to Eden Failed. Destiny is not Mine.
True love being the continuation of the sexual politics of love and hatred by other means. True love being mastery so that non teddy bear love, true sexuality, can be merged with real love and not psychopathic behaviour. The miracle that has passed me by. The sorrow of my life. But my ticket to freedom with no regrets, having tried the greatest love dynamic on earth and having failed. At least I tried, at least he tried and at least we both gave it everything we had.
If it is human love that does not exist, I now believe it one hundred percent. It seems I have been a high priestess, who has been involved with human sickness for over 40 years and specifically male sickness for 30 years. And if the only way to create a Master is to leave a man, I totally believe and accept that. This it appears, is the truth of S&M and true love on earth. A monster has to heal into being a man first. It's called Mastery. It's called love intelligence. It's called Soul.
And until then, a sub has to have the strength and wisdom to run away as fast as she can. Being with a coward and a psychopath is not love and it is certainly no fun. 'Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.' 9 1/2 Weeks. It has played out completely. No regrets. To create a Master is to leave a man.
So love does not attract love. Is that what I came to this life to find out? Love does not attract love. The laws of abundance are a blatant lie. I have loved and have only ever attracted psychopaths, so how is that love attracting love? No matter. I leave behind love forever and do not want it from another human being ever again in my life. I refuse to court it ever again and accept the abject loneliness of a person who loves in a world of hatred and insanity and sickness. Call it dependency, call it control, call it not being able to live fully, call it what you will. To me, it is human sickness and boring as hell. And so is the alternative. I don't want to marry a 'brother'. I wanted a man who would f==k me as I deserve.
So what's next? As I sit here, looking at the toilet that is my life, I intend material abundance and hope that the laws of material abundance work better than the lies of love abundance. I used to think I didn't believe in love. Wrong. Now I do not believe in love. Love does not exist. My twin soul made me see that and where can one go after an experience like that? The only way to go is up.
There is no love and love does not attract love. The conclusion of my life that strangely, I accept in clarity, peace and hope. I intend a new life, without other peoples' love, without marriage, without sexual love, without true companionship and without my twin. Oh. I already have that. Okay. I intend wealth, creative recognition and self sufficiency and embrace total and utter aloneness. I have after all been well groomed for it. Being born to psychopaths and having the mindlessly painful fate of loving one too. Give me a life. Give me myself and leave me alone.
Amera Ziganii Rao © 2011
9½ Weeks is a 1986 erotic drama film directed by Adrian Lyne and starring Mickey Rourke and Kim Basinger. It is based on the novel of the same name by Elizabeth McNeill.
The film was not a major success commercially in the United States, grossing only $7 million at the box office from a $17 million budget. In addition, it received mixed reviews. However, despite its only moderate success in North America, the film acquired a large fanbase on video and was a huge success internationally.
The film is now well known for its erotic sadomasochistic content.
The film spawned two direct-to-video sequels, Another 9½ Weeks (1997) and The First 9½ Weeks (1998).
The title of the film refers to the duration of a relationship between Wall Street arbitrageur John Gray (Mickey Rourke) and divorced SoHo art gallery employee Elizabeth McGraw (Kim Basinger). The two meet and have a volatile and somewhat kinky sex life.
They try a variety of sexual and erotic acts, such as a scene in which John titillates a blindfolded Elizabeth's body with ice; a scene in which John spoonfeeds Elizabeth various kinds of food while her eyes are closed; a scene in which Elizabeth takes off a tuxedo and fake moustache and has sex with John in a rainy alley; and Basinger's striptease to Randy Newman's "You Can Leave Your Hat On", as performed by Joe Cocker. Most of these erotic scenes were parodied or served as the inspiration for some music videos, like Sheena Easton's 1989 song "Days Like This" and Sarah Connor's 2007 "Sexual Healing".
The film details a sexual downward spiral as John pushes Elizabeth's boundaries toward her eventual emotional breakdown. He often manipulates her into getting what he wants during sex and sometimes abuses her.
9½ Weeks has a mixed 62% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Roger Ebert gave the film three and half stars, stating: "A lot of the success of "9½ Weeks" is because Rourke and Basinger make the characters and their relationship convincing". He further elaborated by saying that their relationship was believable, and unlike many other characters in other erotic films at that time, the characters in this movie are much more real and human.
The film was nominated for three categories in the 1986 Golden Raspberry Awards, Worst Actress (Kim Basinger), Worst Original Song (Jonathan Elias, John Taylor, Michael Des Barres), and Worst Screenplay (Patricia Louisianna Knop, Zalman King, Sarah Kernochan).
Script Excerpt
You leaving?
You won't stay?
You know, I have five brothers.
I'm the youngest.
We lived in a small town.
It was just outside of Chicago.
My father...
My father was...
He worked at a foundry.
And my mother was a...
She was a clerk at a...
She was a check-out girl
at a grocery store.
So, you know, it's just...
I've got a family.
They don't work anymore.
They're retired. I support them.
It's too late.
I want you to know something.
There's been lots of other girls.
There's been lots of women.
But I never felt anything
like this before.
Even when I just...
...hold you in my arms,
it's just the way you feel.
Something I didn't count on.
I never counted...
...on loving you so much.
You knew it would be over
when one of us said stop.
But you wouldn't say it.
I almost waited too long.
I'll send someone to get my stuff.
Elizabeth. Elizabeth.
I love you.
Would you please come back...
...by the time I count to fifty?
One.
Film Ends
Amera Ziganii Rao. A Profile
Amera Ziganii Rao is a philosophical writer, essayist, social commentator, prose writer, dramatist and photographer artist as well as a consciousness explorer, self actualiser and emotional healer. She is a former hard news journalist who is now turning professional with her art forms and indeed, her healing forms, after a long journey of inner searching, self teaching and exploring many layers and areas of both craft and wisdom. She is now working on her first book of philosophy and esoteric thought, and social and cultural commentary. She is also showing her first photography collections. And last but most definitely not least, she is building a business to share her consciousness and empowering explorations to reach as many people as possible across the world. She is 46 years old and currently lives in London.
Writer and Enlightener, Amera Ziganii Rao, is now putting together a comprehensive and unique programme of Education For Liberation. Liberation of the lower mind into the higher mind, the soul and the inner heart and therefore one's true, confident, happy, successful, creative, sexual, sensual, individual, intelligent, emotionally healed, capable of loving and being loved self. Based on her scholarly and non scholarly work over 14 years, if not for her whole life, and her extensive and intense, visceral experiences of self transformation from resignation, cynicism and despair to a state of bliss, the courses will cover the method of change. The psychological, sociological, spiritual, cultural, political, emotional and physical and even anthropological methods of change. Why we are here. The meaning of life, no less. This will be on offer in the near future, in the form of online courses and live events, to begin with. Thank you
In the meantime, please enjoy this website. I have included many of the subjects I am covering, areas of experience and insight that I will be exploring to the fullest in my book, the courses and all the other work that is to come as a dramatist, novelist and essayist. I also of course, include many of the wise people on this planet, who have come long before me; authors, screen dramatists, playwrights, film makers, artists, and other enlighteners and grand carriers of the wisdom I have found the most helpful on my journey, to find peace and become enlightened. The seemingly impossible journey, in the face of oneself and one’s circumstances. People who have contributed massively to my healing on this mad journey called life. People who have helped to make me as good a carrier of wisdom as I in turn, can be. Thank you.
Amera Ziganii Rao © 2011
Thank you to Wikipedia and outside sources for photograph and text.
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