Bloomsbury Reading Pt ll. A Self Portrait
Writings :: Beckett. Amera Ziganii Rao
I now know what the tiniest percentage of the world's women have the privilege to know. That I will never ever compromise myself as a vocational woman in this toilet world ever again. I am an esoteric scholar, dramatist, actress, photographer, journalist, wizard, alchemist and fucking genius as it turns out and that is why my man has a problem with being with me.
An esoteric scholar is a High Priestess. An intellectual, a sage and an artist. That is essentially a High Priestess, from the times of the ancients. Before the killings. The truth of what are witches and wizards and sorcerers. Those who work from the Source, those who work in the mind, those who touch the frontiers of the Soul. Those who work with imagination. Feelings, passion, heart and the elements that can soothe the human heart. Healers, mystics and the wise. So what is the difference between culling a woman's independence and greatness outside the domestic arena and bedroom today, and killing a High Priestess and moving into the temples and taking over esoteric/spiritual work from women, as is what happened during the patriarchal take over thousands of years ago? Nothing. There is no difference. Absolutely no difference at all. Nothing has changed. And how can it? The patriachal toilet tribe society still has us in bondage. All of us.
I now know why Marilyn Monroe, Virginia Woolf and Sylvia Plath, to name a very few, became so desperate as to kill themselves. I now know. And it is not pretty. Miraculously, I have survived.
Men are programmed to want women without vocation. It's what they call a wife. So, until a man and indeed the man I love can re-programme his stupid, traditional, patriarchal evil mind, (ego), he can sing for my love and myself. I will never debate this ridiculous area ever again in my life and I will never compromise my vocational self for him or anyone ever again in this toilet of a disgusting world.
To take Samuel Beckett out of context, 'Nothing matters but the writing. There has been nothing else worthwhile'.
If I have to be ostracised and rejected and neglected, for having the audacity to be whole, fuck it. And fuck off. I dedicate myself to the study of Soul, Divinity and the world and the heart and love my own body instead. Take care of my body, sex my body and love my body and Soul and heart and mind myself. I am 46 years old and will not get one day older, trying to be a bride.
If the choice today, is that a woman can be either a High Priestess or a wife, I know and you know what I choose. I choose myself. And the choice is just that. Six thousand years on, it is the same choice. Polite society calls it the whore and madonna. It is actually the separation of vocation and domestic employment. The High Priestess or the wife. They call us mistresses. They can. I call it, the High Priestess. Those, even more in the know, call me the Sacred Prostitute, the Sacred Whore, the Goddess.
The future of the world belongs to women like me. And we will take your boys and men and we will heal them, eventually. Love does conquor all, however long it takes. Because love is God.
I am the greatest threat to the patriarchal toilet tribe civilisation (I use that word loosely) since the beginning of time. I am Hekate, Lilith, and Kali. I am the Dark Angel of Truth and I will have my vengeance on this Earth. It is called Justice. The Justice of True Love.
Amera Ziganii Rao © 2011
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