Writings :: The Mermaid. Amera Ziganii Rao
The Mermaid
Today I see the truth. The awful, unavoidable, shocking truth.
That I have been subjected to purgatory my whole life in terms of romantic love and that I am still trapped in it. That the incredible soul mate men I have met and loved, I have known before and lost before. Eight times this life and how many hundreds in the lifetimes before. I am in the inferno.
I have been in the inferno for over thirty years.
And for all I know I could remain there for the same length of time again.
A hundred years of solitude indeed.
The bitter grief that I have felt for most of my life since the age of 11 has been real, justified and totally beyond my control. The years of hard labour I have dedicated to this subject may not have been in vain, but at the same time, they might as well have been years I dedicated to a crack habit, all the good it has done me.
Purgatory is an unavoidable hell of fate that cannot be overturned before the time for redemption. And who knows when that comes. I no longer know anything. All I can do is hope that I don’t need faith because I have none left to give. I pray that I can be totally carried by God. Because if it is up to me, I have no chance of redemption, because I now have no belief that my inferno will ever be overturned, such is the damage my lifetimes of pain have inflicted on me.
I am exhausted and I am broken. I am no more.
But like a child of love, I do now look to my ninth soul mate man to offer me the chance for redemption. Like me, he has suffered many lifetimes of grief and bitter loss. Like me, he has lost many times in this life too.
But I hope that unlike me, he has the ability to raise me from the dead.
Otherwise I do lie in purgatory hell for ever.
Amera Ziganii Rao © 2007