Obsession. Amera Ziganii Rao
Spiritual mastery is mastery of obsession. Mastery of it, not eradication of it. Everything else, whether it is neediness, the inability to be alone with another person, sexual desire without the sacred, objectification, ownership, misogyny, dehumanisation, selfishness, cold heartedness, hot heartedness, wanting too much, wanting too little, and fear, fear of loss or fear of abandonment, fear of being hated or just fear, fear and fear. These are all projections of obsession. Mastery is mastering obsession and making it yours.
Lolita, or Betty Blue, Madame Bovary or Jack the Ripper. All non mastery of obsession. All about grounding spirit, whichever way round we do it. Pretending we don't feel or feeling too much. Same thing. Mastery is working WITH the obsession and WORKING with it. Making it yours.
There will never be one moment in my life or our life when I am not obsessed by you. Obsession does not go away. But MASTERY of obsession means the end of projection. It does not necessarily take away the pain. And within that is the mastery.
Misogyny, ownership, selfishness, coercive power - the special arenas for men in particular - are projection of obsession. That is the point. I will ALWAYS feel obsession for you and that is the thrill, now that my love is pure. And that is why I KNOW you can heal. If I could, you can, believe me. My levels of obsession and needines were off the planet and I had no idea how that was ever going to go, but it did, through the years of education and self discipline and changing the way I think and by changing the very matter of my being. Ascension.
Spiritual masters come here to master obsession. Robert Downey Jr did it, Billie Holliday did not. Vivien Leigh and Laurence Olivier did not. Sylvia Plath did not. Robbie Williams did. Mike Tyson did. Eric Roberts (Julia Robert's estranged brother) did. We belong to the most obsessive level of human beings on the planet. It is not about getting rid of obsession. It is mastering that and knowing therefore that it is my responsibility and your responsibility in each moment to cope with it. And for us to therefore be able to carry it together. And help each other.
But mastery takes knowledge and discipline and application of that every day in every moment and enjoying the pain of it as the process of mastery is done. Whether it is a 12 step programme to overcome drug addiction, alchohol addiction, love addiction or just plain, generic, all consuming, all applicable OBSESSION. PASSION.
When I look back at everything, that we have covered, from the misogyny, the Patriarchal Toilet Tribe of Womb Stealing, Sexual Plaything and Silent Mothers, Sisters and Daughters, the whore and madonna syndrome, all of it, it is about one thing and one thing alone; obsession.
THE INABILITY TO BE ALONE WITH ANOTHER HUMAN BEING.
THE INABILITY TO LET GO.
THE INABILITY TO MASTER OBSESSION.
I think First Male Rage, as I call it, from seven or eight thousand years ago, when the goddess society became the Patriarchal Toilet Tribe Society, is about that. Men were so obsessed by the goddesses/sacred whores that they worshipped, and when they found out their sperm contributed to these apparently divine pregnancies, they saw a chance to keep that glorious sacred whore being with them always. That's why female infidelity is so feared by men, the whole female genital mutilation horror in this world, literal or symbolic. Men went nuts basically. Lolita may be the most profound novel ever written, about the history of the world so far.
And then women went nuts too. Locked up in these individual castles with nothing and no one to talk to, other than the man who visited them once a year when back from the wars. Men like you do not leave your first wives because the one thing about them is that they will always be there. And through your corruption of coercive power, they have to be there. That is not love sweetheart. That is dependency. But you know that. You know that.
All I can ever say is that I love you and that's all. But I cannot be negotiating freedom with you every second of the day. It's not fair. And it's not right. Why do you think I can't go near any of my family? Because they just want to own me. They are obsessed with me and cannot let me go. No one has ever been able to let me go.
And until you can let me go, you will not come near me. It's so sad, but I guess that is the journey we came here to make. Masters are those of us who come here to become masters of such high levels of obsession. These are the so called high spiritual lives for that reason and one of the reasons why people like us feel so isolated. Most people do not even enter the annals of obsession their whole lives and while we may envy their ability to be so calm, we do not envy their inability to feel or indeed their difficulty with compassion, empathy or passion. The holograms of the world appear to be happier, but the truth is they just live a different existence and the greatest art as well as the greatest violence of the world comes from the super human beings, ironically enough. Those of us here to become gods of mastery. Masters of obsession. In this lifetime or the next.
And meanwhile, I of course have no support. I have taken years to master my own obsession and now wait for you to be able to do the same with yours. The only difference between us has ever been the education. I know you have been self medicating that obsession for years. I did it too and it was so very painful, until I discovered these incredible skills of spiritual mastery that finally, after a long time of disciplining and changing oneself, yield an incredible harvest. Mastery of obsession and appreciation of the pain it takes to do it. And in that the joy of feeling the passion and kindness of it without the projection of emotional madness and neediness.
Misogyny or neediness, dependency or killing women, the psycho bitch or the psycho man bitch, if you like, these things are all sickness of the human heart and can all be eradicated. I read Madame Bovary at the age of 17 (almost 30 years ago) and knew I was fucked. For me to have mastered obsession and neediness has been massively about the self esteem journey too and a hundred other things to do with the sociological make up of a Patriarchal Toilet Tribe, Womb Stealing Society from hell, it is without doubt, but obsession was what I could work with finally and make mine.
And mastering obsession is grounding spirit, grounding the divine passion of the universe into love, creativity, confidence, and anything else we as people suffer from. Mastery is balance, but not balance without feeling. Balance with all the feeling in the world.
But until you can do it too, my sweet, I am on my own, without support or love. Dependency in any form, obsession unmastered in any form...these things are not love. But for me, the most important thing to focus on now is the truth that misogyny, hatred, selfishness, rage, the broken heart, vengeance, objectification, ownership. All these human sicknesses, including of course carte blanche hatred of men, these are all from non mastery of obsession and all we need is the right education and indeed the will, finally to succumb to the healing. To educate ourselves all over again, from the right sources, the amazing masters on this earth, the Deepak Chopras, the Wayne Dyers, the Dalai Lamas, the literary greats of novels, film, theatre, dance, and any of the arts, who have shared their wisdom with us and the self forgiveness that we leave the destruction of our pasts behind us.
We are all human and we are all here to become gods in some way. And to become a god is to master passion and obsession. To master it, not eradicate it, like some puritanical fool. Cerebral and heartless intellectuality, reason, overwhelming addiction without any self control, right through to murder. All these methods are exactly the same and not mastery in any form whatsoever.
The Fight Club, Madame Bovary, Betty Blue, Lolita, Nine and a half Weeks, A Streetcar Named Desire, The Fight Club. Spiritual mastery of obsession.
Amera Ziganii Rao ©
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