Princess Samurai Pt lll. A Self Portrait.
Spiritual Mastery as a State of Torture. Amera Ziganii Rao
Happiness is a decision, not an experience. You can decide to be happy without what you thought you needed in order to be happy, and you will be. Your experience is the result of your decision, not the cause of it.
Neale Donald Walsch
Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life - think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success, that is way great spiritual giants are produced.
Swami Vivekananda
The torture of mastery. Deciding to be happy even if you don't have it and yet working on nothing else. True. It takes the greatest mastery on Earth to achieve, but yes. Pure alchemy. So believing in your dreams is actually pure torture. What they call non attachment. That is crap. It's torture.
Following one's bliss is therefore to enter, voluntarily, a state of endless torture. That is mastery. That is alchemy. The way to believe in one's dreams therefore and be happy even if you can't yet manifest them is mastery is the embracing and adoration of pure unmitigated torture.
Following one's dreams is not just about having a dream and then hoping it will appear. That would be far too easy and therefore what the masters talk of is also crap. Manifesting one's dreams is not just about intention. Not just about being positive, not just about having good thoughts inside. These things are nobly said, but are too simplistic for the truth.
Following one's bliss and following one's dreams is pure, unmitigated torture and even though I have been in a forced healing of a birth deformity for 12 years, which is actually physical torture every single minute of every single day, I have actually just realised what the metaphysical teaching of it is.
Patience.
Not the patience of focusing on other things. No, that would be too easy. Having to focus on every single, mindless, minute detail of my dream, following all the signs, getting whipped up into a state of frenzy and excitement and progress every single day and then waking up to find myself right at the bottom of the mountain again. For 12 years.
That is a state of torture, courtesy of the Universe, as a special privilege for me to make my dreams come true.
And it is true. I have only just realised the horrendous truth. The unique thing about this deformity correction is that I cannot escape the pain or the focus on how I move, for one second of the day and yet it is all healing. I have to be aware of every single step I take and how I sit and how I stand. And that is how I am having to work on my dream too. No escape, no rest and no relaxation. I have not relaxed for one second of the past 12 years.
That is not a journey to make one's dreams come true. This is the atonement journey and today is the day I have to accept it. Atonement, ascension, whatever. Same thing. Jean Paul Sartre called his book of philosophy, 'Being and Nothingness'. That is the most truthful statement I have ever heard about life. Nihilism is after all the only way. Nothing.
I shed my ego, my mortal husk of ego two years ago and I entered the state of bliss or nirvana, miraculously enough, the state of trinity, and yet it has not made a blind bit of difference. So the journey to Terrestrial Paradise, the journey that follows Nirvana, is the journey of pure torture. No wonder we get so angry at Spirit. No wonder I get angry. 100 percent focus for .1 percent progress every day. There clearly is no justice. And if that is love, then tell me what the fuck hate is.
And masters tell me I have to be happy too in the midst of this stupidity. Because stupid is what it all is. And the truth is that unless I find acceptance and happiness about it every day, I do not feel I can survive the next day of the same torture. Trapped in an endless cycle of so called progress with the word patience as the one word that will make me see red! And there you have it. The spiritual journey is one's worst nightmare come true. Mine was patience.
Greek legend talks of Sisyphus, having to go back to the bottom of the moutain, endlessly as a form of punishment. Again, too easy. I can truly understand why the notions of purgatory, punishment and fire and brimstone exist. What makes me laugh though is that religion talk of those states in the afterlife. What about now? Why does religion not talk about now? Because it has been manipulated out of its gnostic, mystic roots.
The fire and brimstone life is the now. The life of non attachment, making dreams work, clearing the ego and doing the time. It's called the road to Nirvana, the harvest, whatever you want to call it. Making your dreams come true is a state of torture. A state of imprisonment with God and the Universe as the greatest jailor. Following your bliss is following a state of torture.
But yes, then I have to be happy too, in that state of torture, to be a master and to find the energy just to endure it. Nice. Thanks. Whatever. Just don't call it non attachment. Call it what it is. Torture. Celestial torture. Then I at least know what the fuck it is I am dealing with! Ascension is the worst affliction any human being on earth can be dealt. And I have it. Being and nothingness.
Which can only mean one thing. It is not just other people the warrior has to put boundaries on. It is the Universe too. The final chapter begins. I have to go up against the Universe to change my fate if I am to win. Watch this space. After all, Paulo Coelho's 'The Alchemist' ends up with the shephard negotiating with the Universe for his destiny. What that means I have no idea. But I will. And the first thing, according to Doreen Virtue is to rescind vows of suffering. I have been doing that for six months. And I know now that I no longer deserve to be punished or deprived or denied. I know I deserve a life and healing and love on this Earth. I know I deserve my dream. Which means I am going up against the Universe and what the fuck that means, I have no idea. But I will.
And maybe it is myself. The path has at least taught me that. When I think I am fighting the Universe, it is usually yet another layer of myself I am clearing. And what Nirvana does, what the state of trinity does, is to shift one into that in less time and in easier time than before and secondly, that it shifts at all.
Amera Ziganii Rao ©
Other Links
The Meaning of Life. Amera Ziganii Rao
The Meaning of Life ll. Amera Ziganii Rao
The Meaning of Life. Amera Ziganii Rao
I become agitated. Then I rage, I get terrified, I move into the frozen heart, I am mean, I am hopeless and I am in despair. I bludgeon, beat myself up, plan my escape or just get hysterical. And I always forget compassion.
And then I remember. That I am a human being and am therefore always learning how to love. I will never know how to love. I will only keep learning.
And each abyss and revelation I go through takes me closer to that place of super learning.
This is our journey. Back to the Heart. Back to the Source. Back to God.
Amera Ziganii Rao ©